By Cam Mather
I’ve ranted on in the past about how much I question the concept of Twitter. Really, who is so interesting that anyone would want to know the minutiae of their lives every 10 minutes? No one is that interesting! Katy Perry? Nope. John Stewart? Well maybe, but it would be disappointing to realize that he’s funny because of his staff of writers. President Obama? Really? If the President of the United States has time to waste tweeting, then the empire truly is on its last legs.
That said, here’s what a day of tweeting at Sunflower Farm would look like. You’ve been warned, it’s just a regular day, and not that interesting. And right now, every day is pretty much the same, hence the concept of Twitter being lame. All that changes is what’s for dinner. Oh, and I’m not sticking to 140 inane characters. It’s my Twitter fantasy, so I’ll do whatever I feel like… hash tag hash tag whatever whatever
4:30 am Sun starting to make it light outside. Hope the rooster stays asleep.
5:00 am Darn rooster making a racket in the coop. Better let him out so the ladies don’t freak out.
5:15 am Quick walk with Jasper. Bugs out already. I’ll have to make it up to him for the lack of activity in the fall.
5:30 In the garden. It’s cool. Weeding the peas, spinach and carrots. Planting more brassicas since the first rows were fried in the heat.
7:00 Sun is high enough that it’s hitting the solar pump in the dug well in the garden.
7:15 Move the drip irrigation from the Spring Treat early corn to the Peaches and Cream later corn
7:30 Watering potatoes by the house with the drilled well. 30 days without rain. Everything is SO DRY!
8:00 Using rain barrels to water the sweet potatoes with drip irrigation
8:15 Sun starting to get hot. CRAP!
8:20 Squashing scarabs off the blueberry bushes. Little @#$%s eating my precious blueberries!
8:30 I hear the dinner gong! Thank goodness! It’s breakfast time! Best meal of the day!
8:35 Farm fresh eggs with garlic scapes, new potato hash browns, tempeh, and waffles with strawberries. Pretty much all our own food. I LOVE BREAKFAST. What… 1500 calories? I could use another 500 but won’t be able to move, let alone work if I eat much more.
9:00 Back into the fray. Move solar pump drip irrigation around in the main garden.
9:15 More potato watering
9:30 Pruning and tying up tomatoes in the barn foundation garden. No wind. I’m soaked in sweat already. Are we having fun yet?
10:00 Harvest two wheelbarrows full of garlic from main garden. It’s awesome this year!
10:45 Third glass of ice water of the day. How do I drink water all day and never have to pee?
11:00 Move the solar trackers. Not sure why I bother. We have more power than we can use during this heat wave… every day sun, incessant sun. Who ever thought I’d be cursing the sun living off-grid?
11:15 Knelt on a nest of hornets while pulling garlic … stung on stomach, right wrist and left hand. If I’m not dead from anaphylactic shock by noon, I could have a major buzz on. Hoping it helps the arthritis in my left hand.
11:30 Huge rock I just dug up in the garden accidentally fell on the hornets’ nest. Felt kind of bad about that… NOT!
11:45 Note to Self: Buy “Epi-pen” for next time I get stung multiple times. (But I’ll get to the store, it’ll be $100+, expire in 2 years, and I’ll put it off until next year. Remember Cam, hospital is 45 minutes away!
12:00 Quick lunch. How many calories can I cram in with this meal? If I don’t eat enough I’ll fade long before I want to.
12:30 pm Back into the inferno. Another hour of watering and moving drip irrigation lines.
2 pm OK, I’m officially exhausted. Enough sun. On to working in the shade.
2:15 Hanging garlic on the drying racks in the garage.
3:30 Selected more wood to build more drying racks. I planted way more garlic this year than last
4:00 Finally sat at the computer. Checked emails. Wrote this blog. Fantasized about the days I sat at this infernal machine fantasizing about being a market gardener growing food all day. Apparently the grass is always greener…
5:00 Shower time. I stink! It doesn’t matter how much I shower, I can’t believe how bad a body can smell working in sweltering heat everyday.
6:00 Dinner in front of the TV. Major networks report unbelievable record heat. Wild fires destroying the west. Drought destroying crops across North American. We’re being incinerated. No mention of climate change, greenhouse gas emissions or what might be causing the unprecedented catastrophe that is our weather this summer
6:55 No mention given to the Rio Conference on Climate Change. Apparently we don’t want to talk about this.
7 pm Cleaning garlic on the front porch. At least it’s in the shade.
9 pm Crap, it’s still bright outside and I want to go to bed!
9:15 pm Took Jasper for a walk around the perimeter of all the garden, encouraging peeing to scare off the deer, raccoons, wolverines, sasquatches and any other critters intent on eating my vegetables
9:30 pm Bed! Yee ha! Can hardly wait to run another marathon in the heat tomorrow!
As I was writing this in my head, I was fantasizing what a day of “tweets” in November would be like…
8:30 am Got up. Read a book. Had breakfast.
10 am Heard “Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town” by Pearl Jam on the radio. Dug out my guitar and tried to figure out the chords to this again.
Noon Had lunch. Read.
2 pm Napped
4 pm Started a fire to take the chill off.
6 pm Rented a video from Tim!
7 pm Getting dark! Yee ha.
9 pm Bedtime. Dark. Cold. Sleep!