Chickens in Business Suits

In Michelle’s and my continual reinvention of ourselves economically, I am about to embark on the most exciting business pursuit yet! We’ve run our own businesses for 30 years, done electronic publishing, published awesome books on renewable energy and sustainable living, done workshops at colleges and at our homestead on independent living, run a CSA … oh the list seems endless.

This next one though … it’s gonna be “Something to Crow About” and I’m going “Rule the Roost!” In other words, it’s my best idea yet!

I am now the world renowned business guru (which really is all that’s necessary for this qualification … just refer to yourself as such on the interweb) presenting talks to corporations and organization throughout the world. The topic?

“Applying everything I’ve learned from my chickens to make your organization prosper.”

How awesome is that!

It comes from a blog I wrote a while back called “Lessons Learned from my Chickens” (read it here). During the summer I was contacted by a Director at a large organization in the UK (that’s right, the British Isles…and they ruled the world at one time, so they know their stuff) to let me know he had used the themes in this blog for a presentation he had done to a business group. He had chickens himself and found the principles of the blog most appropriate.

How cool is that!

It shouldn’t surprise me that he was British because as I recall the chickens in the movie “Chicken Run,” about chickens who decide to escape their captivity, had British accents. Which begs the questions, do my Canadian chickens have Canadian accents? Probably eh! Sorry!

Someone finding value in a blog like that is one of the many cool things that have happened as a result of our blog and Michelle and I continue to marvel at the whole process.

So now that we’re officially out of the CSA business (thanks to climate change/Mother Nature/and droughts … not necessarily in that order but all equally relevant in the decision) we need a new gig. So why not use what we’ve learned growing food and running a food business to apply it to a business case … especially in the challenging and fast changing climate we’re in today.

First off, I need a new suit. I feel I should wear a real power suit. Like Armani. Or Hugo Boss! Are these still trendy? This way people will take me seriously. No wait, that’s what everyone else is wearing.

Nope, I’m gonna wear overalls! That’s it! And a straw hat! I don’t wear overalls when I work on the farm, but that’s what people will expect, and so that’s what I’m going to give them. Live the cliché baby!

And props. I’m gonna need props. I used to use them in my renewable energy talks, so I need something new and fresh … something that really brings home what I’m talking about. A big TV? Binders? Computers? No, no, I’m going to bring a chicken! I’ve got some great cages I’ve scrounged, so I’ll take one of the ladies along to add legitimacy to the whole process. I mean, anyone can put on overalls and call themselves a farmer, but if you show up with a chicken, well no one can take you to task.

I’m trying to decide on which of the ladies to bring. We have two black ones. Michelle probably knows their breed, I just know they are a heritage breed and they make what I find a really annoying squawking when I’m out with them. The other ladies make more of a cooing sound as I fill up their bowls with mashed potatoes or apple peels, but the black ones have this kind of grating squawk, like nails down a black board, that they make constantly. While I risk being drowned out by her during my epic presentation, that kind of distraction can add infinite humor and human interest to a presentation.

Note to Self: Train black chickens to make noise during PowerPoint presentations.

photo-5

The chicken, of course, will need to be wearing a little business suit, which I will have photographed beside me in my farmer garb for the promotional materials … chicken in suit … obviously the one in control of the situation.

So that’s it then. I’m ready.

I’m just going to dump a highlight/promotional preview on the website and YouTube and just sit back and wait for the bookings.

It is going to be epic. Corporations will want to fly me to training sessions. Organizations will recruit me to annual general meetings and events to attract widespread interest. Because really, who could pass up a chance to see a guy, and a chicken, tell you how to behave at work? That’s gotta end badly!

Note to Self: Make sure people film presentation on cell phones, have faulty latch on cage, train chicken to free herself during presentation, try and catch escaped chicken which is basically impossible since they can run faster than you (see the movie “Rocky II”), have witty seemingly ‘off the cuff’ observation of how this fits into overall business theme, get video posted on YouTube, once it goes viral double rate on presentations … no triple the rates!

People seem to love Jasper, so I’m thinking I will have to incorporate Jasper the Wonder Dog into the whole affair. Even if I just bring him along and get him to sit beside me during the presentation I know that the number of people rating my presentation “Exceptional” will increase significantly, just because they like him. Plus, I’ll ask him to use his Jedi mind tricks on the audience to “LOVE” the presentation, and “Like” me on that social media thing that I no longer belong to. I watch the talk show “Chelsea” (Handler) on Netflix partly for her and her great writers, and partly to see her dog “Chunky” greet guests and just lay around on stage, chewing on his front paws, just like Jasper! Who’d have thunk other dogs would do the same thing!

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I can see it now. My time here at the farm will become increasingly rare as I fly from exotic location to new and exciting countries. My passport will fill up with pages of those stamps you get when you fly (not sure what they are) and I’ll have frequent flyer miles coming out the ying yang to use up. Which I won’t want to do. Because I hate flying, and well, the whole carbon thing. Kind of like how I hate being away from the farm. Like I how I hate not being able to keep the net zero-carbon woodstove warming our cozy little piece of paradise going if we go away overnight. And how when I eat eggs at a restaurant I feel great guilt because they were probably from chickens in cages, as opposed to our own, that as we speak are roaming the property, eating what’s left of the kale and brussel sprouts, and digging in my raspberries! Hold on, I’ll be right back, gotta chase them outta there.

So, huge income, high name and business recognition, less or no time for firewood/growing my own food/tending the chickens/walking in the woods/just hangin’ out.

Note to Self: Never mind!

*******

Michelle’s Message: Tomorrow is not only Thanksgiving for our American readers but it is also Cam’s birthday! Time for homemade pizza and Black Forest cake! It’s the simple pleasures…..

 

 

4 Responses to “Chickens in Business Suits”

  • Jeff:

    Happy Birthday, and I can’t wait to see the Youtube video of your new talk! Unless of course, you make it down here to Arizona for a live presentation. We just built a new coop for our own birds and tommorow will dismantle the old inadequate one. Sorry about the CSA and hope at least you are still planting garlic!

  • Will be waiting to see this on youtube! Happy birthday and good luck training those chickens.

  • Cam Mather – International Chicken Whisperer of Mystery!!! 😀

  • Catherine:

    I’ll come to your presentation if you give it in Milwaukee, WI, Cam! Best of luck to you in your new journey (and maybe we’ll make that plural, to “journies”). I LOVE chickens and can’t wait until I can start my own brood.

    A very happy birthday to you! Hope your “New Year” is filled with good health, great weather, and prosperity!

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Cam Mather and his wife Michelle live independently off the electricity grid using the sun and wind to power their home and their CSA. Cam is working towards the goal of making his home “zero-carbon” and with his extensive garden he aims to grow as much of his own food as possible. He is available to speak at conferences and other events and has motivated many people to integrate renewable energy into their lives, reduce their footprint on the planet and get started on the path to personal food, fuel and financial independence.
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